Keeping it in the spirit of Confession Tuesdays. Here’s my story….. It all started the tuesday after Thanksgiving.
My day started off kind of normal. I barely clocked in on time. Made it by one whole minute left in the grace period. I sit down, at my desk grateful I had clocked in semi-on time. For some reason, I can feel within me that (Right now, I am not in a happy place). I read an annoying email from a Director saying she needed something done immediately. (I had been out since the Wednesday before thanksgiving. )So my first time seeing her original email was the day before. Anyone knows when you are the only active person in an area, the workload changes. So I start working on her 3 request immediately.
This is where my day falls like the stock market during the great depression. My coworker walks over, and she starts talking/fussing loudly so the office can hear her. When she finished getting it all off her chest. She really finished by asking me “Now, What’s your problem”? I felt like she was challenging me to fight. I was ready for the fight, plus she likes ranting loud so people can hear. Usually if I am in the issue, she will put on this production. She fussed at me when I came back from vacation, because our manager never assisted her the 6 days I was gone. My manager cubicle is right behind me, but I am the chosen one to get yelled at. “Not Today, she is not coming for me today.” I said to MYSELF. “No more letting her have her way, she wants to get loud, and get the whole office in our business than fine.” So I went off too. It was one of those moment, Internet comedic character “Ms. Shirleen” sang in one of her viral videos. “You done let the devil use you, Well he is going to use me too.” I yelled at her, louder than she did me. When I finally ended my response rant. She said in a different tone of voice (quiet). “I was just saying there is a lack of communication.” When I came back to me, I realized she wasn’t as bold and rude as when she walked over. I also realized the argument was not going anywhere, but in circles. I had explained there is no lack of communication during my rant. (If she has an attitude, you are wasting your time with talking to her. Be prepared for eye rolls, and attitude.) Once I realized we was not solving anything, I needed to get her away from my desk, and fast. So I said, Okay (her name), My bad. She said thank you, and walked away. Everyone, from the moment I said my bad, treated me like it was my fault. In the end, she was no longer challenging me to a fight, she was the victim. She didn’t have the same tone of voice, now that I had come out of character. From the office perspective, she had just came back from a 3month maternity leave one and half weeks ago, and there she was being rudely yelled at by me.
I was hot as fire😡😡. It was the anger that makes you want to skip lunch. I was not upset, because of what had just happened. I was still trying to figure out, who she thought she was talking too. 🤔🤔🤔 Then, I thought people in my office probably thought I was crazy after my outburst. It was not a normal response for me, but she had yelled at me twice about petty, solvable issues before. Today I was not in the mood. So now, I was upset because I felt no one heard the beginning, just the way the conversation ended. I went through the rest of my day like this. Ranting to anyone that would listen.
I had Bible Study at church that evening. I had to talk to someone, I needed help because it was bothering me. I held it in for as long as I could. Something was trying to convince me to “let it go, this is not the right time. Don’t ask about it in bible class, we are talking about Salvation: A daily process; not work arguments.” But soon as the statement was made of how we become a liability to ourselves instead of Asset. I saw the opportunity to get some help. I raised my hand, I had to find out. Did I make myself a liability 11 hours ago?
Here’s what I learned. Yes, I made myself a Liability, and blew a big blessing God wanted to give me. Here’s Why?
Liability – A person or thing whose presence or behavior is likely to cause embarrassment or put one at a disadvantage. – Bing.com
Blowing my blessing: When she walked over, and began her intro. She usually gets loud when she fusses at me. God allowed me to see it, so I wasn’t in shock about how she was acting. At that moment, I could have turned me off, and ignored her. Instead, I fed into it, and now I missed the blessing God had for me. In my mind, yelling back will make her reconsider her approach with me.
Allowing the spirit to work, and not me made me a liability: I saw it coming. The way she walked up on me, and her aggressive tone. Its a familiar thing. I didn’t let God work on my behalf, because I wanted to give her that same energy. I was tired of that disrespectful attitude, and that thought of anytime she felt the need, she was going fuss at me about petty issues. No, she was going to hear this Lion Roar Tuh-day. Well after all that roaring, I realized I had walked into a trap.
I hate to admit it, but I was wrong😫
Yes, I had to admit my wrongness (its a word, maybe) and my flaw in this situation. Not only did I miss a blessing, but I caused God to be ashamed. What I did was not necessary, it was just what I wanted to be done. I have to apologize. I know what you are thinking, she started it. Heres the thing, When I looked back on it. I never handle the main issue, I just yelled like she was doing. The main issue was, Why do you feel like the only way to express yourself to me is to intimidate and challenge me in front of people? Thanks to the discussion in bible study, I know now that I could have told her everything I had said, without making a scene or getting loud. Being loud doesn’t make you better, or right. I could have told her in a calm tone she was out of order. I decided not to, and here we are.
I have learned the entire incident is similar to a crash. You have to get the debris off the road, before you can move forward. If someone doesn’t apologize, we cannot smoothly move forward. As I type this, the thoughts of backing out of the apology crowd my mind. “They are going to talk about you.” “If you do it people will never know it is her fault, they will always blame you.” “You are going to apologize, but she will not receive it.” All these thoughts, and scenarios are playing out in my mind.
It pays to be obedient😩🙌🏾🙌🙌🏼 I go to work, all those scenarios are really fighting me now. I sit down at my desk, go to the break room, bring up my screen. I am wondering, and thinking what will I say. Even told myself, I’m not doing it. Then finally I get up, and bite the bullet. I am going to apologize. From the moment I said, Hey, to the apology, and going over the issues she presented. Everything calmly, and quietly worked out. She even apologized to me. I was able to tell her, how she spoke and approached me was disrespectful, and if she has problems in the future, she can let me know in a better way. Now, we are back on the good terms. The valid issues she brought up, I am going to do my best not to do anymore with Gods help.
For my own growth in the workplace, I have to learn people operate and work different. I like to get my assignment, and be left alone so I can get it done. She struggles a bit more, and needs more assistance. I have to respect that, and help her where I can. We came together, and corrected the issue like two grown adults. I thank God for that.
Everything that Satan suggested would happen if I apologized, DID NOT HAPPEN. He was using his normal scare tactics to keep me in disobedience. Aht, Aht 🚫Satan you catching a L in this situation. I don’t want to miss another blessing, doing things my way. I had a nice bottle of coca-cola (favorite soda ever) afterwards, and I drunk my soda in PEACE.
I hope this helps someone take the correct steps to handling something. Always consult God. You never know when a test will approach you, so stay prepared and alert. Don’t miss your blessing, you never know what God has in store for you. Do not get discourage if you take a wrong turn, be honest with God. That alone can release the burden. Thanks for reading.